Casita Margarita in Pedasi, Panama

“The house is PERFECT! 6 months, 40 grand and we’ll be open.” — Idiot (me)

These are famous last words that may rank up there with General Custer’s, “We’ll be home by dinner.”

It’s been twelve months now since I sold my retired parents on the idea of going into business with me. It seemed like such a minor undertaking: remodel a 5 bedroom house in a remote coastal town in Panama.

You see, I fell in love with the Azuero Peninsula and was (and still am) convinced it’s going to be a major destination soon. The charming village of Pedasi is the Peninsula’s geographic and cultural center. There weren’t many hotels, but plenty of hip travelers, fishermen and surfers exploring the area. We’d build them a better place to stay, using all the knowledge I’d picked up working in the travel industry in Costa Rica. The plan seemed sound…or so I thought.

But before we get to the part where I flounder miserably, in my defense…heck, they should have know better than to trust me. After all, it was they who spent 16 long years raising me, before shipping my insolent butt off to prep school. And indeed, my gift for gab doesn’t come from out of nowhere. Papa Jack need only look in the mirror to ID from whom this silver tongued devil was begotten.

it took about four tries to get this bathroom right

To say the least, our “minor renovation project” in Pedasi has turned into something quite different.

Surely, I should have known better. I’ve been living in Latin America for a decade. I work in tourism. I’ve watched dozens of retirees pursue their “dream” of running a B&B in Costa Rica, only for it to become a Kafka-esque nightmare. “Schtooops!” smugly declared I, all the while watching safely from the sidelines.

Yet I persisted…and good ol’ mom and pop, kind souls that they are, relented. And since? The budget and timeline have both more than doubled. The “friendly” government policies to attract tourism and investment suddenly don’t feel so buddy-buddy. I’ve awoken in the middle of the night more than once convinced that I was having a heart attack.

To name but a few of the “challenges” encountered:

• The first contractor was a flat out thief and also a pretty lousy builder to boot
• I had to stop and start the job due to financial “irregularities” before finally firing contractor #1
• We parted ways with the engineer after he refused to sign off on his own plans, fearing the contractor may have built an unsafe structure
• A business partner of mine planned to put up 50% of the construction costs but, for various reasons, had to reduce that investment to somewhere around 5%. OUCH!
• My trusted carpenter fell ill and subsequently delivered beds (of wrong size and color) and other crucial furnishings 2 months overdue
• Plumbing and electrical work in the original house was so bad that we put up, tore down and put up walls 3-4 times in some cases. I think we’ve had a total of 5 different plumbers and electricians take a shot at it

the reading room and balcony has a sweet view overlooking town

Since the local banks are not exactly speedy in their lending procedures, I’ve been doing all this with cash out of pocket. Trust me, I ain’t rich…so this has been the financial equivalent of juggling buzzsaws. Add a heavy dose of parental disappointment on top of mounting bills, and it’s enough to make anybody feel like Atlas. Actually, I could go for an Atlas (cerveza) right now.

There are days when I’m paranoid that everyone is going to hate our little hotel, including my parents when they arrive to take the helm in November. But alas, there is light at the end of the tunnel. A year of long, hard, annoying, dirty, gassy work, we’re about to open doors. Despite all the frustration, endless waiting and re-doing of tasks, it’s starting to come together.

at least the gardener is good!

Now and then, when I’m the last one on the job site and I take a stroll around the joint, I secretly beam with pride. Maybe someday a small statuette will mark our historic achievement:

First hotel in Pedasi with hot water

I guess that no dream is worth dreaming if it’s easy to achieve. Through all the gloom, we’ve had plenty of shining moments, including some solid employees and helpful neighbors. But I’ll tell ya brother, if you’re considering building a hotel abroad, think twice. Like Sasquatch or the Easter Bunny, the jury’s still out on whether this whole owning a B&B abroad fantasy is just a myth. Check back with me in another 12 months. I’m as curious as anybody to see if my poor parents still love me then!

If you are going to be in the Pedasi area, please stop by and say hello. With a little luck, we’ll be opening doors before the end of the month. Visit www.pedasihotel.com for the latest scoop.

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Filed under: Business, Living & Retirement on August 21st, 2008